February Roundup
Normally, the monthly roundup is only a feature for paid subscribers. But since the last day of the month coincides with my typical free article posting date, I decided to “cheat” just a little and make it free for everyone this month.
That’s the beauty of setting out on your own - you get to make (and break) the rules as you go.
🩶 1️⃣ Overview
This month was chaotic - from an out-of-state road trip to prepping our house for sale (and all of the “surprises” that come with it), I felt like I was constantly behind in spinning the plates…and several of them crashed to the floor. The last week has been about re-evaluating whether that is as catastrophic as I had thought it would be.
💬 2️⃣ What We Talked About
There were several important topics discussed on the podcast, Substack articles, and social media. Here’s a quick review of the biggest ones:
✍️ On Substack:
How Betrayal Trauma Kills You - A deep-dive into the effects of betrayal trauma that’s part personal story, part psychological explanation.
Weaponized Humor 101 — Weaponized Humor is one of the narcissist/abuser’s favorite tools to break down your self-defense AND erode your confidence.
Learning Safety When You’ve Never Actually Had It - An article explaining where and how you can begin building a sense of safety even when you’ve never really experienced it in your life before.
Why You HAVE to Keep Looping While Healing - A new look at the age-old issue of “circling” the same issues over and over on the healing journey - and why it’s a GOOD thing.
📱 On Instagram/TikTok:
🎙️ On the Podcast:
The Use of AI in The Healing Space - My take on why using AI to generate content for abuse survivors or those on the healing journey is problematic.
Why Being With a Narcissist Feels So Violating - It’s been said that “being with a narcissist is like being violated on a soul-level.” This episode delves into WHY that’s so true.
The Stories We Tell - Humans have used stories since the dawn of time to explain the unexplainable and cope with the tragic. But sometimes, the stories we tell keep us stuck.
🔎 3️⃣ Lessons & Takeaways
This month was mostly about reflection and “recycling” for me.
This Month’s Realizations:
Progress doesn’t always look productive.
Sometimes growth looks like plates crashing and realizing the world didn’t end. The “behind” feeling isn’t proof of failure; it’s just proof you’re still carrying a lot.Clarity is heavier than confusion.
Naming abuse. Talking about betrayal trauma. Reliving those moments when you decided “enough is enough”. Once you see things clearly, you can’t unsee. That costs something. But it also stops the cycle that would ultimately have cost a lot more.Recycling isn’t regression.
Circling the same themes: safety, looping, narcissistic harm, isn’t being stuck. It’s integration. Healing doesn’t march in a straight line so much as it spirals upward.You can hold grief and momentum at the same time.
Selling a house. Parenting. Running a platform. Revisiting trauma. You don’t have to pause one to survive the other. Both can coexist without canceling each other out.
✍️ 4️⃣ Reflection Prompts
Prompts for your journal, open discussion, or simply to ponder and reflect on quietly.
Where in your life are you calling something a “failure” that might actually just be a shift?
What truth have you finally named this month, even if it made things heavier at first?
What pattern are you tired of “looping” around?
What are you carrying that proves you’re stronger than you think?
🪶 5️⃣ Life Lately
I haven’t spoken much about this, but the reason I’ve been in a scramble for moving is because my abusive ex is getting the house. Yes, the one I wrote about “making a safe place” at the top of this newsletter. I first got this news last summer and was absolutely wrecked over it - all the work my kids and I put in to reclaim the space felt like a loss. And I was going to have to subject them to yet another massive life disruption. But as the months have worn on and the post-separation abuse continues with my ex, I have started to look at things differently. This move is the final step we really need to start fresh. We get to move to a place that is all ours and he has no right to step foot into, and can spend time and energy this summer making it our own. I am now actually happy about the thought - even while still being stressed about where we will move to or how we will have the funds. There will be more updates on the process in the coming months.
🔮 6️⃣ What’s Next
I will be writing up another 101 article next month - this time on lovebombing. This is a subject we’ve been hearing a lot about recently, but is still a little nebulous to explain or understand for a lot of people. I will also be talking about why leaving isn’t the hardest part on the podcast, and much more.
💫 7️⃣ Closing Note
There are seasons where survival looks like chaos. This was one of them for me.
If you are losing something right now (a relationship, a home, a story you thought would end differently), it doesn’t mean you’re going backward. Sometimes there have to be a few final “closed doors” before you can move on to opening new ones.
We’re not rebuilding to prove anything. We’re building something that no one can take from us. And when you’re starting from scraps and broken pieces, that can be messy as hell.
See you next month.